A year and five days ago I did a thing. I started this blog to journal my quest to have it all- career, family, and a fruitful writing gig on the side. I was going to write about being a real life hustler; a working mom, a loving wife, a successful career woman, and people were going to just lap it up. I thought “put the content out there, and it shall be read.”
And today, I stand before my hundred-odd readers and report that not only do I not have it all, I actually am not sure I have anything to show for it.
- I didn’t go viral, in spite of creating a Finsta (read: fake Instagram handle) and a Twitter account like other bloggers told me to.
- I didn’t get promoted or get paid a ton of dough this bonus season because my industry is going through a period of low volatility and seismic regulatory shifts (nor did I find a new, better, more lucrative role).
- I was not voted Mom of the Year. In fact, 2 out of my 3 kids have actually downgraded me in the family hierarchy, which is ok I guess since my boys are lucky to have such a devoted, fun father (I certainly didn’t/don’t).
So, I did what any hard-working-but-getting-nowhere gal would do in this situation: I gave up.
- I stopped scribbling possible Blog topics down in my spiral 5 subject notebook at work.
- I no longer alternated between reading and writing on the train. (So many good page turners out there!)
- I quit posting perfectly filtered pictures of food or clothes or scenery from my business travels on Instagram.
- I stopped wracking my brain for “snarky enough” Twitter commentary to post and prove I wasn’t just another boring, plaintive, bitter, angry woman.
While the blog has been on (permanent?) hiatus, I focused more on my family and my career. And guess what- they both drove me incrementally more crazy! It’s so hard to separate yourself from a tantruming toddler. It’s virtually impossible to navigate life wearing a pair of golden handcuffs, regardless of how successful you are or how well your performance review went. I have taken it all so personally- every little thing that didn’t go my way.
- So, the blog didn’t result in a book and movie deal.
- So, the kids look unkempt at school because no one brushed their hair (or probably their teeth) this morning, long after I left for the office.
- So, I’m still employed in a job that some people would kill for, but somehow leaves me unfulfilled and frankly unhappy.
But it’s just a blog. It’s just a job. It’s just another naked Barbie tied with a jump rope to the basement steps. None of it defines us. We’re all going to be ok. And we have a whole new year to figure out how to execute on this whole gratitude thing.
I might just keep trying.
thecommutary 
Yes, keep going!
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Thank you for the encouragement. Happy new year!
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Oh Bea – Life is tough isn’t it. I have long realised we can’t “have it all” but every now and again we get the balance just right, and things trundle along in a satisfactory (occasionally very satisfactory) manner for a while. Don’t know if you remember but I gave up my job in finance a few months ago in order to pursue new avenues – Guess what? Today I had my first day back, but this time on my terms so based 5 minutes from home and concentrating on just one aspect, so got the balance right this time hopefully. Like you I hoped my blog would go viral but I have come to realise that there are now more bloggers out there than bloggees to read the things! I was also spending far too much time on the blogosphere but am trying to curb that now in the interests of getting that balance right also – I do value the “virtual” friendships I’ve made however so no regrets. As for your children, I did give up work for a few years when my daughter was very young but I have a terrible feeling she might have benefitted more had I not – The childcare was great and the kids with working mums had a far easier transition when it came to going to school. All that matters is that we love them, and that they know we love them – Half an hour of silliness and one-to-one time goes an awful long way. Anyway, enough of my probably needless thoughts on this modern day dilemma of being a working mum and blogger! Good luck – I think you’re doing just fine so if you can, keep going.
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Your support means the world to me A. Maybe your next blog should be advice based?! Happy to hear you’ve found a job you can work for that works for you. Sometimes I daydream that I will be forced or freed to make a similar move… in the meanwhile, maybe I’ll find myself refreshed enough to find my online voice again in 2018!
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Good luck in 2018! I was hoping to do more with my blog in 2017, but ended up dropping off a lot in the last part of the year. If only we had a few extra hours in our day!
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